“Open your eyes, you fools!”

Jeffrey Epstein's ghost breaks into public impeachment hearing, exclaims that he didn't commit suicide but was murdered in a hidden Clinton operation

Stupefying everyone in the room, out of the sudden, the ghost of late financier and multiple sexual offender Jeffrey Epstein breaks into the open-door hearing during former ambassador to Ukraine Maria Yovanovitch's testimony on Trump's foreign interference with Ukraine's Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate into Democratic contestant Joe Biden to explain that he in fact didn't commit suicide but was a victim of a top-secret Clinton contract assassination to not get them into any hot water.

“It was all crystal clear, you idiots”, the supernatural appearance that obviously is the ghost of the lately convicted paedophile was also well-connected with the likes of Alan Dershowitz, Bill Clinton and Donald J. Trump shouts furiously, “how didn't you recognise it? Why didn't you just connect the dots and realise that I was obviously–”, The ghost then was curtly interrupted by House Intelligence Chairman Adam Schiff (D - CA) who asked the spirit of recently deceased millionaire to please file a lawsuit at a courthouse so that the impeachment hearing could continue as planned. This, unfortunately, brought Epstein into further outrage: “Are you kidding me?”, the seriously maddened ghost snaps back at Schiff, “I went all the way up from the depths of hell to finally clear the case for my death and to move on in the investigations, and all you've got to say to me is that I should file a lawsuit against the Clintons? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Mugshot of Jeffrey Epstein
(By Palm Beach County Sheriff's
Department - )Palm Beach County 
Sheriff's Department [1][2], Public 
Domain, Link)

As of the writing of this report, the ghost and Adam Schiff continued to discuss his issue while the remaining attendants of the hearing as well as the press staffers watched closely, taking notes or photos. Representatives of different counties told us that at the moment, the atmosphere was hotly embattled between the two sides; some Republican Representatives, among them Jim Jordan of Ohio, Devin Nunes of California, and Matt Gaetz of Florida, were said to have rumoured that Epstein's sudden emergence from the netherworld too was staged by the Clintons to cover up the impeachment hearing in order to leave the “crushing evidence” of President Trump's innocence and the “cleanliness” of his quid pro quo, at which Democratic Representatives bluntly responded that those were just the false arguments made up by “Trumpist henchmen trying to gain importance in the Trump administration”. 

During this vividly continued debate, Epstein can be overheard accusing Republican Senators and Representatives alike of being deaf to obvious evidence he tried to sneak in during their work. For example, he highlighted Gosar's (R - AZ) tweet chain which recalled the phrase “Epstein didn't kill himself”, or the various memes shared online, to which he contributed in such a way that it contiguously grew. “To my own dismay”, he admitted shortly after, “I didn't mind the chance that it could be declared a conspiracy theory someday. I'll be honest with you, I didn't think that one out 'til the end.”

As people began to leave the rooms, Epstein was still vainly trying to be granted a hearing before Congress in order to put Bill and Hillary Clinton into due process, lamenting about the arduous journey unto earth, expressing that he won't return a second time unless he would be granted what he demanded.