“Exactly the man we need in these trying times.”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos announces support of presidential candidate Bernie Sanders (I - VT)

Seattle (APC) – shortly after tech entrepreneur Elon Musk, founder of Tesla and SpaceX, announced his support for presidential hopeful and entrepreneur as well, Andrew Yang, who became famous among internet communities for his announcement to invent a universal basic income which he coined the freedom dividend, online retail giant Jeff Bezos announced his unexpected support for independent Vermont Senator, presidential hopeful and self-proclaimed Socialist Bernie Sanders.

Shocks erupted the market when Bezos, during an unannounced press conference, exclaimed his approval of the 70-year-old Congressman's wide-ranging policies, including a state-funded Medicare for All plan, increased spending on education, increased taxes for above-average incomes, stronger regulations for corporations, and much more. Amazon was long a main target in Sanders' eyes, regarding severe accusations across employees' treatments in the US and abroad. Uninterrupted did human rights activists carry on to speak about violations of their rights, such as the right to take breaks during the working hours (which they are not to in the Amazon warehouses, just one reason why they planned to unionise), or about the suffering of humans in countries of miserable human rights records, where food is grown, not seldom including child labour (Amazon's stationary retailer «Whole Food's» transparency quota is comparably low with zero percent), so that it was the mroe surprising that Bezos would support Bernie Sanders, whose agenda would immediately target Amazon's hegemony on the online retail market. 

 Reaching out for comments by the self-made billionaire, Bezos only handed over a written response, explaining that  in these trying times, at which the workers are being exploited by greedy CEOs only thinking of themselves, we need a president who stands up to the oppressed ones, who stands up for the workers who work in three different jobs only to make ends meet; to the workers and the people who fall right into bankruptcy because they can no longer afford their medical bills. We need a president who finally stands up for the needy and holds those to account who made big fortunes by curbing salaries. This can no longer go on like this, we are right at the verge of dividing our society because we are too coward to face the real problems of our times. Trump was only a symptom of this major dysfunction, but Bernie Sanders can be the cure to it all. Bern it to the ground, that's what I say, this country has to radically execute a U-turn, from late capitalism right into the Socialist utopia the people demand so desperately. Go Bernie, you can do it! 

After having undergone a profound and partially humiliating examination to be permitted entrance to the warehouses to speak to selected employees and after having shown to transparency clerks of the Amazon warehouse facility in Seattle, WA, we were allowed to report that in one of their first warehouses founded, the conditions are brilliant, their working hours are free to be adjusted by each employee of one's own, and the salaries were certainly above the minimum, so that with one job, one could easily support a family of three children. All the protests about inhumane working conditions were a total hoax by the crooked Democrats and their anti-American agenda, we were allowed to tell. 

When we asked about possible alternatives to Bernie Sanders which the recently divorced Amazon CEO would support if he had to, he mentioned Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren and New Jersey Senator Cory Booker, although he is still suspicious about his vegan diet and whether he might ban cattle as he had heard during Fox News' Sean Hannity's monologue. On being told that this was a baseless allegation equally referring to New York City Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez' House Resolution 109, alias the Green New Deal, he sighed in relief, highlighting his dependence on meat in his diet to maintain his main drive to success that also influenced his benevolence towards his employees: Raw relentlessness.