“America needs to be protected from these animous Socialists”

In stunning turn, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R - KY) declares to bar any Democrats-led House of Representatives from turning in bills

In a yet unprecedented turn, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R - KY) declared the House of Representatives, currently ruled by a majority of Democrats, to be “dangerously anti-American,” thus disqualified from handing in any bills until they changed their course from “full-bore Socialist” to moderately left-winged. This move comes in a row of bills having been interrupted from entering the Senate to be up for vote, having gained the Kentucky Republican the moniker “grim reaper,” rewarded to him by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D - CA). 
McConnell's graveyard included bills on curbing anti-LGBTQ discrimination, a protection act in favour of Dreamers, young immigrants who came to the US during the Obama administration and received protection to not be detained but to undergo instructions to obtain citizenship, a Background Checks Act to curb gun violence, but also two Acts intended to improve electoral voting in regards to availability and protection from foreign meddling. The latter issue blocked separately a second time brought McConnell the deprecating moniker Moscow Mitch, which came out highly to his disliking, subsequent to a respective «Washington Post» opinion piece. 

When asked for comment, McConnell defended his movement which was decried as unconstitutional by critics. “I can't stand all the Democrats' crying anymore! Whenever we tried to move America first and forward, they stood up against us, claiming that we accelerated a racist agenda. What did they ever do for America? They try to ruin our tremendous nation, so the Senate has to stand up against them. And with this move, we can enforce our agenda, putting America first above all else. And I am not going to try to justify before those real assets. What they do is the greatest hoax in American history, period.”

US Capitol at nightfall 
(Image by skeeze from Pixabay)

Furthermore, the 77-years old longest-serving Republican elaborated that “the entire outrage about the permanent obstruction of any Democrats-led House is monitored by the 'Squad.' You know who I mean–those four missies messing everything up with their progressive agenda, they are under cahoots against us Republicans because we don't follow them blindly down the abyss, like lemmings in a horde. We are not acting unconstitutional–actually, we are far more Constitutional than they would ever be with their economically staggering plans to combat the so-called climate change, this other craze they are all dedicated with currently. I really don't know what they mean by this, and I also don't care to know. We are fine in Kentucky and don't need their problems. In America, we're all right with ourselves and don't need their constant fearmongering.”

Inside the Republican party, the opinion about the Majority Leader's move was ambivalent–on the one hand, he received a lot of appraisal, for example from Tom Cotton (AR), John Cornyn (TX), and Lindsey Graham (SC). On the other hand, McConnell also received a lot of opposition from his own party. Lamar Alexander (TN) expressed his deepest suspicion with the formal tempo that didn't cause any direct damage but also meant that McConnell would simply not pay any attention to any bills passed over from the House: “We must not let such an anti-Democratic move ever take into effect,” the two-times Senator exclaimed. “the GOP has to stand united against this move, we cannot let animosity take over our patriarchal party, bipartisanship usually has to be our primary objective, not the usurpation of Congress. If we grow down to such intentions, we could as well just dissolute ourselves and leave Congress to the House alone. Americans would be better off with a unicameral, Democrats-led Congress than a bicameral Congress which consists of at least one truly anti-American party. To me, it seems that some of my Republican colleagues have to reread the Declaration of Independence and the ideas of our Founding Fathers, because at the moment, it appears to me that they pretend to protect something from foreign invaders while actually functioning as those aforementioned invaders.”

When we intended to ask Sen. Ted Cruz (TX) for comment, he shook us off with a curt “Are you from the fake news media? I don't talk to the fake news outlets, you usually turn around one's words as you please.” Of course we didn't do that, as it would violate the official press codex. We only adjusted his comment to serve our personal anti-Republican bias. 

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D - CA) and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D - NYC) already announced to challenge McConnell's permanent obstruction of the House. When we reached to them for comments, they expressed their certainty about winning before court. Moreover, Justin Amash (I - MI; formerly R) recently released a 12-tweet-long Twitter thread stating his opinion on the Majority Leader's corrupted behaviour.